Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
