just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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