I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
