Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
