the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
