I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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