i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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