I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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