im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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