I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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