You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
