Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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