I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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