I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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