if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
