scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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