Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
