He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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