Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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