apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
