so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
