I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
