Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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