I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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