Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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