Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The air was thick with penises
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
