pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
