I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
