If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
