Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
