I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
