I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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