I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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