Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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