i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
