Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize