i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
