omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
