we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
