shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
