The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
