I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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