I think I died a long time ago.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
