I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
