what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
