I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
