i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When are your genitals available?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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