Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
