Someone shit on the floor
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
