It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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