you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
