Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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