o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
