I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
