i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
