Please, let me fuck your mom
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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