She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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