I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
