are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
