first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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