please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
