Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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