She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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