i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
