oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
