please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We need to get me chipped asap
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
