Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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