this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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