I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
