You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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