the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
