I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
