You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
