Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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