So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
