the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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