I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
