He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
