Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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