I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
