I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
