The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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