what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
