I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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