You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
