No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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