Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
