What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
