jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
