I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
