I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
