Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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