Just fell off a train. Bad.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize