I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
