She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
