Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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