Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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