I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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