Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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