Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
