Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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