he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
