omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
